Life is Weird

How can someone be so indescribably perfect? And where has he been my entire fucking life? 18 years I've been on this earth, and 5 of those I have spent ripping my heart out of my chest to hand it off to every silly human that came into my life with promises of love, only to watch them crush that precious stupid heart in their hands, and I would work endlessly to pick up the pieces and repair it enough to repeat that painful cycle again and again. And then he comes into my life. Here he is, right in front of me. It took me almost two months to realize that I wanted him in my life as more than just someone to fool around with. It took seeing him at his drunkest, and instead of being repulsed when the alcohol got to him and made him sick all I wanted to do was take care of him and help him felt better. He held me in his arms and he told me how much he missed his dad and he cried and told me he loved me and promised that he's going to keep me in his life and told me that he wants kids some day. He's the first person outside of my family who has ever cried in my arms and let me be a comfort. It means so much to me and even though I don't think I love him right now I feel like I'm at that weird in-between stage where *the potential to love is there*. Or maybe I really do love him, because he's the first person I've even entertained the idea of having children with. Fuck, we'd make cute babies. May 10th is our anniversary, and he told me not to forget. "A year from now we'll celebrate a year together doing something amazing." Timing has always been a cruel bastard in my life, but maybe, just this once, the timing is perfect. I *might probably* love this skinny, kind, tattooed and pierced, silly, sad, gorgeous, wonderful, kissable and touchable and lovable, strong, nerdy, mean, adorable, magnificent man and I swear to Satan I am the luckiest human being alive.